Me as a Mom

I always knew that I wanted a family. I played house when I was a little girl, stuffed pillows up my shirt to pretend that I was having a baby. The one thing I never pretended or thought about was how my kids would see me as their Mommy.

I was born with Cerebral Palsy that affect my left arm and leg. When I was little, I wore a metal brace on my leg to help me from walking on my toes and when I was 5 years old, I had surgery to lengthen my heel cord so that I would walk properly. So, now, unless I'm tired and my leg drags, its almost undetectable. My arm, however could not be corrected and so I have limited mobility and strength in my hand. It doesn't straighten all the way and my hand is bent inward. I don't call it a "disability" because I've never known any different and it's never stopped me from doing anything that anyone else does. It was never an issue when I was growing up and it wasn't an issue for Blair. In fact, when we were dating and he reached for my left hand, I knew I'd found a keeper (no one had ever held my left hand before) and its one of the reasons that I love him and feel lucky to have him in my life.

It isn't really an issue now, either. The only reason I think about it is when I'm with my kids. I don't clap my hands like other Mommies and I don't want Nicholas and Claire to clap like I do, I want them to clap "properly". It might sound stupid or superficial to some people, but it's what I think about. Blair says that they will and do clap their hands "properly" and that they love me because I'm their Mommy. I can't hold their hands with my left hand when we go walking and I have some trouble with tying laces and strings. I think Nicholas is starting to recognize that it is different because he once told me that my "hand doesn't work very good" and then he pretended that his hand was like mine. But we talked about it a bit (as much as you can with a 3 year old) and I'm sure that we'll discuss it again later.

I hope that I raise my children the way that I was raised; that the only limitations a person has are the ones they place on themselves.

Just something that I was thinking about today......