So it's been just over a month since we lost our little baby. I have good days and bad days and slowly, I think the good days are outweighing the bad, but sometimes I feel that the bad outweigh the good. It's funny, because I'll be fine, carrying on with my day and I'll see or hear something and I'll get teary-eyed and sad. It seems that everyone is pregnant, except me. Now I know that's not really true, but it feels that way. People that are due around the time I was and are feeling their baby move, make me sad.....that should've been me. I've been busy with work, meetings and report cards, and I can go into "auto-pilot" and then not think about the loss.
The hardest time is when I'm home and things are quiet and I'm reminded of what happened and what isn't coming. I feel like I "should be over this by now" and I'm just not. I feel like I have to put on a happy face when all I want to do is sit on the couch and do nothing. I'm really moody, where the smallest thing will set me off and then I shut down. This is not good for me and Blair. I don't know how to explain to him what I feel, except sad. Then there's Nicholas and Claire, especially Nicholas who will say something funny or say "I Love You Mama" and offers a hug and that makes me smile.
I never could've imagined that a miscarriage at 6weeks gestation would affect me so deeply, but as soon as I saw that stick turn blue, my heart grew a bit more and I started to dream of who this baby would be. Then, it was gone. I will never forget our little baby "Frank", but we will open our hearts to another baby
(((Hugs))) to you Diane! I think about you often and what you must be going through. I'm glad to hear that you are having good days mixed in with the bad. Take as much time as you need to grieve, there are no right or wrong ways to feel with something like this.
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