Saying Goodbye to 2010

I have to say that I cannot wait for this year to be over. It began with my maternity leave ending and me returning to work and ended with the loss of our baby "Frank". In my opinion, this year sucked!

I am looking forward to the fresh start that comes with 2011, the hopes that I will finally have a teaching job that I love and can feel confident in and that we will have a healthy pregnancy and baby by this time next year.

I hope that this year will silence the skeptics who continually tell me, especially after our loss, that I should be happy with my two children, my boy and girl, each with their own window in the car, each with a parent's hand to hold. How do I explain to them that I feel like someone is missing? Why should I have to explain myself to them? Why is it any of their business? Yes, I'm sure that I sound irritated, because I am. I feel as if those negative thoughts are working against me and putting negative thoughts into my head, that are already there every month that I am not pregnant. So to those who say we should be happy with the two children I have and that I should not hope for another, I say as politely as possible "Mind your own business, please"

I look forward to finding my home in a school, working with a group of children who do not talk back, who work hard to do their best and who I can learn how to be a better teacher from. I really do want to love my job, my career. I hope that comes in 2011, because right now, I do not love my job.

I hope that 2011 will bring me closer to Blair as we get ready to celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary and grow together as a couple. Is that the same thing? Losing our baby was really hard on both of us and our relationship, but we're together and looking forward to the future and what positive things will come in 2011. I realize now, more than ever how much I rely on Blair and how I really couldn't have gone through this without him by my side.

Tonight, we will put the children to bed early, open a bottle of wine and say good bye to the old year and welcome in the new year with hope in the endless possibilities.

Good-bye 2010, thank you for the lessons that you've taught me, but I am glad that you are going. Hello 2011!