Emily is One Month Old

Here is a picture of my three beautiful children. It seems funny to say that, "I have 3 children".

A month has passed since our beautiful Emily was born and I find it hard to remember our family without her. She has brought such love and joy into our lives, Nicholas loves and protects his baby sister and Claire can't give her enough kisses.

Our lives have gotten busier, especially on days when I have to go out with the three children on my own. I count before I leave the house to make sure that I have all three and there is no time for napping because someone is always up and needing a snack, a drink or to be nursed. Blair, as always, is great about taking the older two upstairs for baths after dinner, or taking Emily for a few moments. He is also chief burper to help Emily get those stubborn burps out. He even gets up in the middle of the night, swapping days with me to feed baby. I am a very lucky girl, Blair was meant to be a Daddy and he's great at it, so, again I say, lucky me. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I am thankful, more than you know.

Emily Meredith is Finally Here

On Monday, November 7th, 2011, Emily Meredith was born and our family of five is complete.

As with my other children, Nicholas and Claire, Emily came into the world on her own terms and in her own time. This is her birth story:

After our October 30th due date came and went and Blair's mom had come to stay with us in case baby came early, I went to the doctor on November 2nd to have a stretch and sweep done (I won't go into details, but let's just say its a way to hopefully get labour started). From that day on, I had what's known as "start/stop" contractions. Contractions that would start, slowly progress to between 15 and 10 minutes a part and then stop, only to start again and cycle. This went on for 4 days.
Finally, on Sunday night, early Monday morning, when the contractions got stronger and got to 10 minutes apart. At 2am on Monday morning, Blair and I headed to the hospital where I was put on antibiotics for a "Strep B" infection and a baby monitor to watch the contractions. Then, they stopped. I was afraid that I would be sent home and have to do the antibiotics all over again on Wednesday, November 9th when I had been scheduled for an induction. But they kept me. My doctor was called in and the decision was made to break my water and see if that brought on labour. It did.

My water was broken at 8:30am on Monday, November 7th and the contractions came on fast and strong as I did laps around the maternity ward. By 10am, I couldn't walk anymore and, instead was in bed with "laughing gas" within arms reach. With me the whole time was Blair, holding my hand, telling me to breathe through the contractions and kissing my forehead. It was a busy day in the maternity ward, with 9 admissions overnight and babies being born every hour. My doctor had gone to her office and had to be called back to the hospital to deliver our daughter, but she was running late due to a broken down elevator and I didn't think she was going to make the birth. Just as my nurse called over the PA system for any doctor or midwife to my room, my doctor ran in. I was turned from my side to my back and a few pushes later, our beautiful daughter Emily was born.

I am so grateful to have our beautiful, healthy daughter here. I am also grateful that Blair was there beside me, helping me through it all. I could not have done it without him. Our family is complete and filled with love.

It's almost time

Baby #3 is due in two weeks and I am so ready to meet this new little person who has been pushing and kicking me from the inside. My four and two year old come to the weekly appointments and help my doctor with the dopplar to listen to the baby's heartbeat and believe that they each have babies in their bellies. It's really cute :)

This will be our last baby, the final member of our family. I am grateful after all that I went through last fall that this baby is coming. We do still talk about our "baby Frank" and that "he" is in Heaven with Papa King, but we also look forward to this little one and how she will change our family and add more love. I can't wait until she's here and I get to see who it is whose been kicking and pushing me, but a little part of me wants to hold on to these last moments with her still inside me, just her and I.

Hopefully, my next post will be the announcement of the arrival of our newest member.

What's new

It's been almost 3 months since my last post, but I've been super busy. I finished off the year of teaching grade 7 and while I'm not sure where I'll be teaching in September, it will only be for a few weeks. That brings me to the second reason that I haven't posted....I'm expecting #3 at the end of October. Working full time, being pregnant and having a 4 year old and a 2 year old are enough to keep anyone busy and to add to it, we're moving in the middle of August. Tired yet? I am, just writing it down.

That's all I have for now. I'll post again when I have more time. Until then, enjoy the summer....I know that I will.

Tofino: 5 Years Later

I know that it's been a long time since my last post, but life has been busy and I hadn't downloaded our Spring break pictures onto the computer from our camera.

These are a few of the pictures that we took during our trip to Tofino. My parents took the kids for 4 days/3 nights so that Blair and I could go back to Pacific Sands Resort in Tofino. We went back to the place that we had honeymooned 5 years ago. It was great! Blair and I had a one room, 3rd floor suite that overlooked the ocean. We could lay in bed and watch the sun rise while drinking our morning coffee. We took walks along "our beach" and ate the best, yummiest fish and chips ever (from Wild Grill cafe) and had a romantic anniversary dinner in a restaurant that we had all to ourselves. It was so relaxing and peaceful that I hated to leave. Blair and I don't take trips anywhere, aside from a night here and there when my parents offer to take the kids, so this was such a treat. It was great just to be Diane and Blair, a couple instead of Mommy and Daddy for a few days and to reconnect.

Blair and I: 5 years Ago

5 years ago on March 11th, Blair and I got married and began our life together.

In those 5 years, we've loved, learned and lost loved ones, but we have each other. I'm not sure what I did to deserve to have Blair in my life, but I'm sure glad that he's in it. I married my best friend. I love you sweetie XOXO

Claire turns 2

My little girl is two. I can't believe how fast time goes by. It seems like just yesterday, she was my newborn baby girl and now, she's her own little person, with her own mind, voice and opinions. I love that she calls Nicholas "broder" and that she says "I do it". I love that she has her own mind.

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby girl. I love you.

A New Perspective

I don't know if its because February is now here and spring is just around the corner or that my body and heart are healing, but I've started to see things in a new light. I feel lighter, less gloomy, less sad. I'm looking forward. We will continue to try and have another baby and hopefully it will happen sooner rather than later, but I'm not going to dwell on what I've lost, instead what could be. I've taken the stress out of getting pregnant and I'm going to just let things happen because it's better for me, better for Blair and better for our family.

I'm never going to forget the little baby who was with me for such a short time, but I can't keep hoping for what wasn't to be. I know that it may sound silly, but I feel like I owe it to that baby to be happy. I was meant to have that baby, if only for the blink of the eye. Hopefully, I will love another baby, but in the mean time, I will hold a special place in my heart for our little "Frank" and share my love with Blair, Nicholas and Claire.

"What makes a Mother,
It’s the feeling in your heart,
It’s the love you had so much of
Right from the very start."

-author unknown

I thought I was better......

I thought I was better, after all, its been 4 months since I miscarried "baby Frank", but I realized that I'm really not. Now, I'm not saying that I'm sad and gloomy all the time, because I'm not, but I feel this, and I'm not even sure how to describe it except to say that there is this underlying malaise. I feel like I've been "sad" since October. I can actually feel my heart ache for the baby that I lost. As I write this now, my eyes are filling with tears and I'm having trouble seeing the keyboard. I'm so unbelievable tired of feeling like this, I cannot tell you. Heck, I don't even know if any body's reading this, it's kind of depressing, but I don't care and think I'll feel better for having written it.

A friend at work is expecting at the end of July and while I'm trying to be happy for her (as everyone asks her how she's feeling and doing), I cannot help but feel jealous and bitter that its not me. Sounds horrible, I know. I just so badly want to be pregnant and in the same breath, I'm terrified. What do I do if something goes wrong again? I don't think that I could cope. People tell me not to put too much pressure on myself to get pregnant again (if it doesn't happen this month, then next month), and I know stressing isn't good for baby making, so I try not to do that, but it is SO hard. Then I think I should be positive and maybe it will happen, but at the same time, if I get my hopes up and it doesn't happen, then I'm devastated....again.

I'm a planner, I had a plan: work full time for a year, have a May baby, go on mat leave with full time top up and then go back to work part time a year later when Nicholas was in full day K. Now that plan is gone and I'm stuck with no real plan, going month to month, hoping, waiting and praying.